As a final act of my love

As a final act of my love…

I ran away.
I disappeared.

I saved myself from drowning in your thoughts.
I saved you from being the bad guy in front of your family.
I survived more days without you than the days I had you.
I begged God to take my pain away.

I wished you’d be a better man for the next person.

I prayed for someone to come into your life and treat you well.

I wished you happiness.

I believed you would do great without me.

I hoped you’d find the courage to tell your family what you really want.

Why’s?

I used to wonder why he did it

Why he pushed me away,

Why he made me beg,

Made me cry,

Like my pain meant nothing.

But then it hit me

He knew.

He knew exactly what he was doing

And he chose to do it anyway

With open eyes and steady hands.

That truth didn’t break me.

It woke me.

And with that, I walked away.

Oh, to Be Loved Like That

Oh, to be loved like….

To receive flowers, just ‘cause

To receive chocolates, just ‘cause

To get a phone call, just ‘cause

To receive a text asking whereabouts, just ‘cause

To be clicked in a photo randomly, just ‘cause

To be fed with care, just ‘cause

To fall asleep next to someone you love, just ‘cause

To wake up and see them there, just ‘cause

To have your tears wiped away, just ‘cause

To be given shoulder to cry, just ‘cause

To feel important in someone’s life, just ‘cause

To be reassured, every single damn time, just ‘cause

To be loved by someone you love, just ‘cause

To stay together. To be trusted. To be chosen again and again, just ‘cause.

Am I too good at pretending?

I was okay when I didn’t get to apply to that college. 

I was okay when I found out my friends talked behind my back. 

I was okay when I didn’t get the recognition I worked for. I was okay when I was used as a backup. 

I was okay when people remembered me only when they needed something. 

I was okay when they spread rumours about me. 

I was okay when I didn’t get to experience those fun, teasing pictures with friends. 

I was okay when I couldn’t feel what it’s like to be loved right. 

I was okay when I didn’t get that promotion. 

I was okay when I travelled hundreds of kms just to see a familiar face. 

I was okay when I was told I wasn’t enough. 

I was okay when I was never someone’s priority. 

.… 

But was I really okay? 

Or am I just too good at pretending?

Always

Always the giver, the doer and dare, yet never the one to receive the care.

Always the listener, with ears open wide,
Yet never found someone who could hear me inside.

Always the photographer, framing others' light,
But no one captures my random, quiet nights.

Always the caretaker, strong through it all,
But never let anyone catch me when I fall.

Always the best friend, steady and true,
But never had someone I could call mine too.

Always the problem solver, calm through the storm,
Yet never dared to voice the battles I perform.

Always there for others. Every time, every place,
But never stood still... for my own embrace.

Sometimes I just look at him and…..

Sometimes I just look at him and wonder... how is he still loving me like this?

I annoy him. I say things I don’t mean when I’m angry; words that sting, that hurt and that shouldn’t be said. I can be sarcastic, sharp, even mean. Not in front of people, but when it's just us... I brush off his seriousness, roll my eyes when he explains things. I know I hurt him sometimes. Not intentionally, but carelessly. And yet… he's still here.

Still loving me.

Still holding my hand. Still making sure I’ve eaten. Still standing beside me- not just in good ones but even in sad and messy ones. Still sleeping on arguments, just to wake up and be the first to talk, the first to compromise. Still choosing “us” over winning. Every time.

I don’t know how he does it. I don’t know what I did to deserve that kind of love.

No one’s ever loved me the way he does. So patiently, so completely. The kind of love that shows up every day — in the small things, in the quiet ways. In the way he sees me, even when I’m not at my best… and stays.

I used to think love had to be dramatic. One that should challenge me, keep me on my toes. But now, being with him, I’ve realised something softer, deeper; that real love is steady. It's safe. It forgives. It chooses you, again and again, even when you’re not easy to love.

He makes me feel like I’m enough. He completes me. Not because I’m lacking, but because of who I am. And somehow, just by being him, he’s made me better. More self-aware. More grateful. More in love with the life.

He’s not just mine. He’s my home. And that’s something I never want to lose.

When it Rains

Rain brings different memories to different people.
Some feel joy, others sadness.
Some sing heartbroken songs; some are haunted by guilt.
For some, the rain brings anxiety, for others, a quiet sense of being alone.

To a few, it’s a bright, beautiful thing.
To others, it’s gloomy and bitter.
Some welcome it like an old friend; some feel nothing at all.

For some, it’s just rain.
For some, it’s everything.
And for some… it’s something they never want to experience again.

As for me, rain brings a mix of memories — some painful, some beautiful.
But still, I love the sound of it, the earthy smell rising from the ground, and the way it makes me feel.
I love getting drenched, singing in it, dancing under it.
I let the rain fall over me and take it all in — as if, for a little while, it washes everything else away.